How to Stop Overthinking and Make Easy Daily Choices

5 phrases from “Why Is Choosing So Hard”

Each phrase has a plain explanation and real lines from the show. Tap “Hear it” to jump to that moment.

Listen & read along

This lesson is ready.

The video is not public yet.

00:00Intro

MiaHello and welcome to Cocoa English Podcast!

MiaRyan, let me ask you a question.

MiaHave you ever sat down on your sofa on a quiet evening, excited to watch a fun 30-minute comedy before going to bed, but you spent 45 minutes scrolling through movie posters and trailers, and then you just turned off the TV and went to sleep feeling annoyed?

RyanOh Mia, you are describing my exact Friday night!

RyanI made a big bowl of warm popcorn, sat down under my cozy blanket at eight o'clock, and started looking for a movie.

RyanI looked at action movies, then comedy movies, then nature documentaries.

RyanBy nine o'clock, my popcorn was cold, my eyes were tired, and I did not watch a single minute of any movie!

MiaThat happens to so many people!

MiaWhy do we do that to ourselves?

MiaWe have thousands of movies right at our fingertips, but having so many choices makes picking one feel like hard work!

RyanIf you are listening to us today, and you often feel stuck or tired when you have to make simple daily choices, welcome!

RyanYou are in the right place, and you are definitely not alone.

MiaWe are so happy you are spending your day with us.

MiaToday, we are talking about why choosing is so hard, why having too many options makes us feel tired, and how to make daily decisions simple and easy so we can enjoy our lives more.

RyanSo make yourself a warm cup of tea or coffee, get into a comfortable seat, and let's jump right into our conversation!

MiaRyan, think about how many choices you make from the moment your alarm rings in the morning until you close your eyes at night.

RyanWhen I really think about it, it is crazy!

RyanThe first choice is: do I press the snooze button on my alarm, or do I get out of bed right now?

MiaExactly!

MiaAnd then you walk into your kitchen and think: do I drink hot coffee or green tea?

MiaDo I put oat milk or regular milk in my cup?

MiaDo I eat toast with butter, or a bowl of cereal with fruit?

RyanAnd after the kitchen, you walk to your bedroom closet, open the doors, and look at all your clothes.

RyanThat is where my morning brain usually freezes completely!

MiaOh, the closet!

MiaThat is one of the biggest daily puzzles.

MiaWhy is standing in front of a closet full of clothes so stressful?

RyanBecause you stand there looking at twenty shirts and ten pairs of pants, and you think: 'Is it going to rain today?

RyanWill the office be cold?

RyanDoes this blue shirt look good with these grey pants?

RyanWhat if I see someone important today?'

MiaAnd what is the classic sentence that everyone says while looking at a closet packed with fifty shirts?

RyanEveryone says: 'I have so many clothes, but I have nothing to wear!'

Mia[laughs] Haha, yes!

Mia'I have nothing to wear!'

MiaYou have shirts hanging on every hanger, clothes folded on every shelf, but you feel like you have zero good options.

RyanIt is funny, but it actually creates real stress before your workday even begins.

RyanYou try on a green shirt, look in the mirror, take it off, throw it on the bed, try on a white shirt, take that off too, and suddenly you are running late for the bus!

MiaAnd by the time you leave your front door, you already feel tired and rushed, and the day has just started!

RyanMia, why do you think having more clothes makes getting dressed harder instead of easier?

MiaWhen we have only two clean shirts in our closet, making a choice takes three seconds.

MiaYou just grab the blue shirt and put it on.

MiaThere is nothing to compare, and nothing to worry about.

RyanThat is so true.

RyanWhen there are only two choices, your brain does not have to work hard at all.

MiaBut when you have fifty shirts, your brain tries to compare all fifty shirts at the same time.

MiaYou start looking for the perfect match for the day, and searching for perfection makes our brains feel overwhelmed.

RyanOverwhelmed is such a good word for that feeling.

RyanWhen you say someone feels overwhelmed, it means there is too much of something to handle, like a giant wave of water coming over your head.

MiaExactly.

MiaYou feel like your mind is full and you cannot think clearly because there are too many things in front of you.

RyanAnd the closet is just the morning!

RyanWhat about lunch?

RyanLunch is another giant decision trap.

MiaOh, lunch!

MiaThink about going to lunch with a group of friends or coworkers.

MiaWhat is the conversation that always happens at twelve o'clock?

RyanSomeone asks: 'Hey, what does everyone want to eat for lunch today?'

MiaAnd what does everyone answer?

RyanEveryone smiles politely and says: 'I don't know, anything is fine with me!

RyanWhat do you want?'

MiaAnd the second person says: 'I'm happy with whatever!

MiaYou pick!'

RyanAnd then the third person says: 'I don't care at all, whatever you guys want is great!'

MiaHaha!

MiaEveryone says 'anything is fine', but nobody wants to be the person who makes the final choice!

RyanWhy is that?

RyanWhy is everyone afraid to pick the lunch place?

MiaI think people worry that if they pick a place, maybe someone else will not like the food.

MiaIf you say 'Let's get noodles', you worry your friend secretly wanted rice or sandwiches.

RyanRight!

RyanYou don't want to make a bad choice for other people.

RyanSo everyone stands on the sidewalk for fifteen minutes, getting hungrier and hungrier, looking at their phones.

MiaHave you ever opened a food delivery app on your phone when you were hungry at home?

RyanOh, so many times!

RyanThere are hundreds of restaurants on the screen.

RyanYou scroll down past burgers, then Japanese sushi, then Italian pasta, then Mexican tacos, then Thai curries.

MiaYou look at the photos of the food, you read the star ratings, you check the delivery time, you read thirty customer reviews...

RyanAnd forty minutes later, you are still hungry, your stomach is making loud noises, and you haven't ordered anything!

MiaLast month, on a rainy Tuesday, I was so hungry after work.

MiaI opened my food app, scrolled through fifty restaurants for thirty-five minutes, got so tired of comparing menus, that I closed the app, walked into my kitchen, and just ate two pieces of plain bread with peanut butter!

Ryan[laughs] Haha!

RyanYou had five hundred delicious restaurant meals ready to be delivered to your door, and you ended up eating plain bread because choosing was too exhausting!

MiaExactly!

MiaThe food app gave me too many choices, and my brain just gave up.

RyanThat reminds me of going to the supermarket to buy something super basic, like toothpaste or shampoo.

MiaWhat happened at the supermarket, Ryan?

RyanLast weekend, I went to the store just to buy one simple tube of toothpaste.

RyanI walked into the hygiene aisle, and there was an entire long wall covered with toothpaste boxes!

MiaAn entire wall for toothpaste?

RyanYes!

RyanThere was toothpaste for whitening, toothpaste for sensitive teeth, toothpaste with baking soda, toothpaste with charcoal, herbal toothpaste, mint flavor, extra fresh flavor, fruit flavor, morning toothpaste, night toothpaste!

Mia[giggles] Haha!

MiaMorning toothpaste and night toothpaste?

RyanYes!

RyanI stood there with my mouth open, holding two different green boxes, reading the tiny letters on the back of each box for ten minutes.

RyanI felt completely lost.

MiaWhich one did you buy in the end?

RyanI was so confused that I put both boxes back on the shelf, bought nothing, and left the store!

RyanI brushed my teeth with just water that night!

MiaThat is such a classic example of what scientists call the paradox of choice.

RyanThe paradox of choice?

RyanWhat does that mean, Mia?

MiaA paradox is something that seems strange or opposite to what we expect.

MiaMost people think that having more choices makes us happier and gives us more freedom.

RyanRight, that sounds logical.

RyanIf I have twenty options, I should be happier than if I only have one option, because I can find the exact thing I like.

MiaThat sounds logical, but in real life, when we have too many options, it makes us feel stressed, worried, and less satisfied with whatever we choose.

RyanWhy does that happen in our brains?

MiaThink about what happens when you have only two choices: Option A and Option B.

MiaIf you pick Option A, it is easy to understand your choice.

MiaYou say: 'I picked A because it was faster.'

RyanThat is simple and clear.

MiaBut when you have fifty choices from A to Z, and you pick Option A, your brain immediately starts thinking about all the other forty-nine choices you did not pick!

RyanAh!

RyanYou start wondering: 'What if Option G was better?

RyanWhat if Option M was cheaper?

RyanWhat if Option Z was the best one in the world and I missed it?'

MiaExactly!

MiaWe worry that we made a mistake.

MiaWe fear that the option we left behind was better than the one we chose.

RyanThat is called the fear of missing out, or the fear of picking the wrong thing.

MiaYes!

MiaEven if Option A is very good, you don't feel completely happy because a small voice in your head keeps whispering: 'Maybe another choice was even better.'

RyanThat explains why we feel less happy even when we buy something nice!

MiaIt really does.

MiaThere is another big reason why making choices is so hard, and it has to do with how our brain uses energy throughout the day.

RyanHow does our brain use energy for choices, Mia?

MiaHave you ever heard of the term decision fatigue?

Ryan[curious] Decision fatigue?

RyanLet's break down those two words.

Ryan'Decision' means making a choice between things.

RyanAnd 'fatigue' is a fancy word for being very tired or exhausted.

MiaExactly!

MiaSo decision fatigue means getting mentally tired because you have made too many choices during the day.

RyanHow does decision fatigue work inside our head?

MiaImagine your brain has a small decision battery, just like the battery in your mobile phone.

RyanOkay, I can picture that.

RyanIn the morning when you wake up, after a good night of sleep, your decision battery is at one hundred percent and glowing bright green.

MiaRight!

MiaBut every time you make a choice, a little bit of power leaves your battery.

RyanEven small choices?

MiaYes, even tiny choices!

MiaChoosing which socks to wear takes one percent.

MiaChoosing what to listen to in the car takes two percent.

MiaChoosing how to reply to an email takes three percent.

RyanAnd at work or school, you make hundreds of choices!

RyanYou decide which task to do first, how to answer your boss, what words to use in a message, whether to attend a meeting.

MiaBy the time five o'clock or six o'clock in the evening arrives, what is your decision battery level?

RyanIt is at two percent, flashing red and beeping!

Mia[sighs] That is why when you come home at seven o'clock in the evening, and someone asks you a super simple question like 'Do you want chicken or pasta for dinner?', you feel like crying or screaming!

RyanThat makes so much sense!

RyanChicken or pasta is not a hard question, but because your decision battery is completely empty, your brain cannot handle even one more choice.

MiaWhen our decision battery is empty, our brain tries to protect itself in two ways.

RyanWhat are those two ways?

MiaThe first way is doing nothing.

MiaYou avoid making any choice at all.

MiaYou leave the dishes in the sink, you don't reply to messages, and you sit on the couch staring at your phone screen for two hours without doing anything useful.

RyanI have definitely had evenings like that.

RyanWhat is the second way our brain reacts?

MiaThe second way is making impulsive, quick choices without thinking carefully.

MiaThat is why late at night, people often buy things online that they don't need, or eat a whole bag of sweet cookies.

RyanBecause your brain is too tired to stop and say: 'Wait, is this a good idea?'

MiaExactly.

MiaYour brain just says: 'Whatever, I don't care, just do it!'

RyanIt is so interesting to realize that our willpower and our ability to choose are connected to a real mental battery.

MiaAnd did you know that different people handle choices in very different ways?

RyanReally?

RyanAre there different styles of making decisions?

MiaYes!

MiaPsychologists discovered that most people fall into one of two main groups: Maximizers and Satisficers.

RyanThose are big words, Mia!

RyanCan you explain what a Maximizer is first?

MiaA Maximizer is a person who always wants to find the absolute best, most perfect option.

RyanOh boy, I think I know someone like that!

RyanWhen a Maximizer wants to buy a simple product, like a toaster or a backpack, what do they do?

MiaA Maximizer will open twenty different website tabs on their computer.

MiaThey will read fifty customer reviews, watch five comparison videos on YouTube, check five different stores to see who has the lowest price by fifty cents, and spend three weeks deciding!

RyanAnd even after they buy the backpack, are they happy with it?

MiaUsually not!

MiaThey keep checking the internet to see if a newer model came out, or if the price dropped after they bought it!

MiaThey always worry that they did not get the absolute number one best deal.

RyanThat sounds so exhausting.

RyanWhat is the second group called again?

MiaThe second group is called Satisficers.

RyanSatisficers.

RyanWhat does a Satisficer do when they need to make a choice?

MiaA Satisficer has a simple list of basic needs.

MiaWhen they find an option that meets those needs, they choose it right away and stop looking!

RyanCan you give us an example of how a Satisficer shops?

MiaSure!

MiaImagine a Satisficer needs a winter jacket.

MiaTheir basic needs are: it keeps them warm, it is black, and it costs under fifty dollars.

RyanOkay, those are clear, simple standards.

MiaThe Satisficer walks into the first clothing store.

MiaThey see a warm black jacket for forty-five dollars.

MiaIt fits nicely.

MiaThey buy it immediately, walk out of the store in five minutes, and go enjoy a cup of hot coffee with a friend!

RyanThey don't visit ten other stores?

RyanThey don't check if another store has a jacket for forty-two dollars?

MiaNope!

MiaThey don't care about finding the 'perfect' jacket in the whole world.

MiaThey found a jacket that is 'good enough', and they are happy!

Ryan'Good enough'!

RyanI love that phrase so much.

RyanWhen you say something is good enough, it means it satisfies what you need, even if it is not magical or perfect.

MiaAnd research shows that Satisficers are generally much happier, less stressed, and feel much more relaxed in daily life than Maximizers.

RyanBecause Maximizers spend all their time and mental energy chasing a perfect choice that might not even exist!

MiaExactly!

MiaIn real life, almost nothing is one hundred percent perfect.

MiaEvery shirt has a small flaw, every restaurant has one dish that is average, and every movie has one slow scene.

RyanWhen you accept that 'good enough' is great, life becomes so much lighter and easier.

MiaRyan, let me ask you: in your own life, are you more of a Maximizer or a Satisficer?

RyanHonestly, I used to be a huge Maximizer with electronics and shoes.

RyanTwo years ago, when I needed to buy a pair of running shoes, I spent three whole weeks researching online!

Mia[gasp] Three weeks for running shoes?

RyanYes!

RyanI read blogs about shoe foam, watched running shoe review channels, compared weights in grams, and worried about color options.

MiaAnd how did you feel during those three weeks?

RyanI felt stressed every single day!

RyanEvery time I picked a shoe, I found another review saying the shoe was slightly heavy, and I started over from zero.

MiaAnd when you finally bought the shoes, did you become a world-class runner?

Ryan[laughs] Haha, no!

RyanI ran around my neighborhood park twice a week, just like I always did!

RyanThe extra five grams of foam did not change my life at all!

MiaThat is such a great lesson.

MiaWe spend so much energy worrying about tiny details that don't actually change our real experience.

RyanSince that shoe experience, I have been trying really hard to become a Satisficer.

MiaThat is a wonderful goal.

MiaSo, Ryan, how can all of us protect our decision battery and make daily choices easier and faster?

MiaWhat are some practical tricks we can use?

RyanI have a few simple tricks that have helped me a lot.

RyanThe first big trick is: create daily defaults!

MiaDaily defaults!

MiaThat means making certain choices automatic so you never have to think about them, right?

RyanExactly.

RyanThink about breakfast.

RyanIn the past, every morning I stood in my kitchen asking myself: 'What should I eat today?

RyanPancakes?

RyanEggs?

RyanCereal?

RyanFruit?'

MiaAnd that small choice took energy from your morning battery.

RyanYes!

RyanSo now, I made a default rule for my weekdays: Monday to Friday, my breakfast is always oatmeal with a banana and a cup of black coffee.

MiaYou eat the same breakfast every weekday morning?

RyanEvery single weekday!

RyanI don't have to look in the fridge, I don't have to plan, and I don't have to make any decision.

RyanMy hands just make the oatmeal automatically while I listen to music.

MiaThat saves so much mental energy before you start your day!

RyanIt really does.

RyanAnd on the weekend, on Saturday and Sunday, I can have fun making pancakes or going out for brunch.

RyanBut on workdays, having a default breakfast keeps my morning smooth and peaceful.

MiaMany famous and successful people do the exact same thing with their daily clothes.

RyanOh yes!

RyanLike Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple.

RyanHe wore a black turtle-neck shirt and blue jeans every single day.

MiaAnd former President Barack Obama only wore grey or blue suits.

MiaHe said in an interview: 'I don't want to make decisions about what I am eating or wearing, because I have too many other important decisions to make.'

RyanThat is so smart.

RyanWhen you automate the small, unimportant choices, you protect your energy for the things that really matter in your life.

MiaWhat is your second trick for making choices easier, Ryan?

RyanMy second trick is called the Two-Minute Rule for small decisions.

MiaHow does the Two-Minute Rule work?

RyanWhen you face a low-stakes decision—meaning a decision that will not change your life in five years, like choosing between chicken or fish for lunch, or choosing between two movie comedies—you give yourself only two minutes to choose!

MiaOnly two minutes!

RyanYes!

RyanYou look at the menu, set a timer in your head for two minutes, and pick the first option that sounds tasty.

MiaWhat if you pick the chicken, and it is just okay, not amazing?

RyanThen it is just okay!

RyanYou ate lunch, you are not hungry anymore, and your life goes on.

RyanIn five days, you will not even remember what you ate for lunch on Tuesday.

MiaThat is such a great perspective.

MiaMost of our daily choices are low-stakes choices.

MiaWhether you buy the blue notebook or the green notebook does not change your future happiness.

RyanExactly.

RyanReminding yourself 'This is a small choice, not a life-changing decision' takes all the heavy pressure away.

MiaI have a favorite trick of my own that I use whenever I am stuck between two good choices.

RyanWhat is your favorite trick, Mia?

MiaI call it the Coin Flip Trick!

RyanThe Coin Flip Trick?

RyanYou flip a coin to make your decision?

MiaYes!

MiaBut not in the way most people think.

RyanHow does it work then?

MiaImagine you cannot decide whether to go to a friend's birthday party tonight or stay home and read your favorite book.

MiaBoth options sound good, and you are stuck in the middle.

RyanOkay, you are sitting there unable to pick.

MiaYou take a coin.

MiaYou say: 'Heads means I go to the party.

MiaTails means I stay home and read.'

RyanAnd then you throw the coin into the air!

MiaYes!

MiaAnd here is the magic secret: while the coin is in the air, spinning for two seconds, your brain suddenly knows what you are hoping for!

Ryan[excited] Oh, wow!

RyanThat is so true!

RyanWhen the coin is in the air, you secretly think: 'Please land on heads!' or 'Please land on tails!'

MiaExactly!

MiaYour true gut feeling reveals itself in that one second.

RyanAnd what if the coin lands on tails, but your heart feels disappointed?

MiaThen you don't stay home!

MiaYou know your heart actually wanted to go to the party, so you put on your shoes and go to the party!

RyanThe coin is not making the choice for you; the coin is just helping you discover what you secretly wanted all along!

MiaExactly!

MiaIt cuts through all the overthinking and shows you your real feeling.

RyanI am definitely going to use that trick the next time I am stuck between two choices.

MiaAnother big thing we need to remember is to stop searching for perfection in everyday life.

RyanTell us more about that, Mia.

MiaThink about spending an evening with good friends.

MiaWe often spend so much time worrying: 'Which restaurant is the coolest?

MiaWhich table has the best view?

MiaWhich dessert is the most famous?'

RyanBut when you look back on that evening six months later, what do you actually remember?

MiaYou don't remember whether the table was near the window or by the wall.

MiaYou remember laughing with your friend until your stomach hurt.

MiaYou remember talking about your dreams and sharing stories.

RyanThe connection and the conversation are what make the evening special, not the perfect menu choice.

MiaExactly.

MiaA simple bowl of soup with people you love is a thousand times better than a fancy five-star meal where you spent two hours feeling stressed about making reservations.

RyanThat takes so much weight off our shoulders.

RyanWe don't have to find the perfect restaurant, the perfect outfit, or the perfect weekend plan.

RyanA good, simple choice is more than enough to create wonderful memories.

MiaAnd when you make a choice that turns out to be not so great—like buying an orange juice that tastes too sour, or watching a movie that has a silly ending—how should you respond?

RyanYou just laugh about it!

RyanYou say: 'Well, that movie was pretty funny and silly, but at least we had a cozy evening under the blanket!'

MiaYes!

MiaTreat bad small choices as funny little stories, not as big personal failures.

RyanThat is such a healthy mindset.

RyanWhen you are not afraid of making a small mistake, choosing becomes fun and easy instead of scary.

MiaLet's do a quick recap of our friendly tips for today's listeners.

RyanTip number one: Create daily defaults.

RyanPick a simple weekday breakfast and a comfortable daily style to save your morning decision battery.

MiaTip number two: Use the Two-Minute Rule for low-stakes choices.

MiaDon't spend thirty minutes choosing something that won't matter in five days.

RyanTip number three: Try the Coin Flip Trick when you are stuck between two options to uncover your true gut feeling.

MiaTip number four: Practice being a Satisficer.

MiaLook for 'good enough' instead of chasing impossible perfection.

RyanAnd tip number five: Remember that the best moments in life come from the people you share them with, not from making the 100% perfect choice on a menu or a screen.

MiaWe would love to hear from all of you listening today!

MiaWhat is a funny choice you spent way too much time making?

MiaHave you ever spent an hour browsing movies and watched nothing?

RyanSend us a message or leave a comment sharing your funniest decision stories.

RyanWe love reading your thoughts!

MiaThank you so much for joining us today on Cocoa English Podcast.

MiaMake your day simple, be kind to yourself, and we will see you in our next episode!

RyanHave a wonderful, relaxing day, everyone!

RyanGoodbye!

MiaGoodbye!